oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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