I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
