So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
