Porn is love you can see.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
