ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
