Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize