Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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