She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
