I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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