its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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