Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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