he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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