We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
