I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
