Swine flu. Run for my life!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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