Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
