nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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