My nipple is on Facebook.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
