Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
