wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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