you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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