I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
These tits shall not be calmed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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