A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
