Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
