My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
