So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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