so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize