shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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