cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
