I'm really into asian looking animals
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
