Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
