His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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