I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
