you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
