i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
