im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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