The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
