you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
