I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
