the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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