Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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