dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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