you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He felt like a one man threesome
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
