Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
