We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize