I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
