i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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