There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize