you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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