yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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