I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
