I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
