remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
