im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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