There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
