Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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