your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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