Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
