ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
