Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
