Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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