Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
