Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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