well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
