You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
