This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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