If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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