If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is Oprah even human
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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