In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
