Are we in a gay sports bar?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
