i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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