how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
