Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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