ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You smell like stripper and shame
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
