he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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