Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
