he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
