My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
