Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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