Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
