Will you blow on my dice?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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