My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
