Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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