she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
