Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
