Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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