I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
