just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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