just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
