you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
