If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
