The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
