When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
