I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
