I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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