I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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