your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
plz talk dirty to me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We're too hungover to prance.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
