You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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