...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
